Welcome to My World

Been in a Funk today

2009-09-12T01:56:06Z

I don't know what exactly is going on right now, but I have been in a real funk today. I am really, truly in a "poor me" mood today, and I couldn't even begin to tell you why. I wanted nothing more than to head to the beach and lay in the sand all day and a good bit of the night; to be alone with my thoughts; to meditate; to clear my mind; to cry; to laugh; to cry some more; to do a little spell work and to just be. But, unfortunately, that didn't happen. I need a day like that very badly right now, and there is nothing that I can do about it at the moment. I never feel like doing anything that I normally love to do anymore, and that is starting to worry me. Something needs to change. I know what I want that something to be, but I can't let myself get my hopes up about that until I find out if it is going to be a bit more concrete this time. I feel out of sorts today, and I just needed to get this out a little before I couldn't stand it at all anymore.

Life in general

2009-03-31T04:18:17Z

Things are going ok, I guess; but it really sux being without a job. I'm so bored and broke that it is driving me insane. At least I have the internet back now, lol, that helps tremendously. At least I have contact with the outside world again!

Too long

2009-03-27T23:23:56Z

It has been way too long since I've blogged on here. I miss doing this, and I really am trying to do it more often. Just wish I knew if anyone missed me lol. Longer blog soon, I promise :)

Rough Time Lately

2008-06-25T05:57:07Z

Things have been so very rough for me lately. Since Dad died in January, I haven't really been the same. I haven't cared about much of anything, though I have tried to put on a brave face, it is starting to fail me. I don't know what to do or think or say most of the time, because of me, a very good friend of mine and I were both kicked out of 2 places in about 2 months, and it was pretty much entirely my fault. I have been without work since April, and haven't been putting as much effort into finding a new job as I should be, because I just can't face real life again right now. I thougth that Father's Day was going to be the last day I was in this life. For the second time this year, on Father's Day, I sat in the tub trying to figure out how I wanted to kill myself. I thought about slitting my wrists, even tried to take apart a razor to do it with. I tried to just fall asleep underwater, but, just like with everything else in my life, I failed at that, too. I don't know what to do or how to get past this. I'm doing my best to just function right now, and I'm not doing very well at that. I do want to let those who can read this (only a few of you on my preferred list) that I really appreciate all that you have done for me and that I am truly sorry that I haven't really been there for you when I really should have. I'm trying very hard to get back into life again, but it is increasingly hard. So, please forgive me for not being as good a friend as I'd like to be, I'm really trying to get things in order again.

Depressed

2008-04-15T16:18:08Z

This week has hit a new low.. I've lost my job, we're late on our rent, and I'm becoming more and more depressed. I need something to change, quickly. I've applied for several jobs here in the last couple of days, so I'm hoping to hear something soon, and Chris is bringing me up to the Unemployment office tomorrow, so that will at least get some money coming in until I get a new job.

I'm Sorry

2008-03-29T23:41:02Z

It has recently come to my attention that I have not been a very good friend lately. I am truly sorry about this, I have been absorbed in myself and haven't been paying a lot of attention. Granted, normally, if I'm doing something stupid or inconsiderate, please, PLEASE just tell me...I don't always realize that I am doing it. I know that this sounds horrible or like I just don't care, but it is seriously not that, I just don't realize things sometimes. Also, I've apparently been having some pretty bad mood swings, too, so, I again apologize for that, too, if I'm being crazy, just let me know so that I can figure out what's going on. I don't know what is going on with me lately, and I am really sorry if I'm taking out on everyone around me, I don't mean to at all. I have had a lot of shit going thru my head lately, and I'm not dealing well or as well as I thought I was. So, to all who have to put up with me (especially on a daily basis), I am really sorry, and I will do my best to work on all of this.

amanda

Hooray for long weekends!

2008-03-01T20:03:03Z

You have no idea how much I need this. I've got a 3 day weekend this weekend, and I plan on doing as little as humanly possible. I am sooo tired and stressed and sore and irritable and so many other things that I just need a weekend of doing nothing to recover. Just thought I'd share.

Blah, Blah, Blah

2008-02-23T06:10:18Z

Well, I haven't written in a while, so I thought I'd just drop in and say "hi". Things are going about the same, as far as my last entry. I've tried everything I can think of, as well as some suggestions from different friends, but so far, nothing is helping a lot.. I think that I just need to give it time, and if it doesn't start to get a little better in a decent amount of time, then I will decide if I think I need to get professional help.

Other than that, I've been keeping pretty busy, lots of OT at work, and just trying to keep myself occupied. Hoping to have a break soon. I'm going nuts with everything crashing in on me at once, but hopefully, life will start getting back to normal at some point.

Well, I guess that's about it for now.

Lots of luv!

What should I do?

2008-02-03T11:04:41Z

I think I am going crazy. I really do. It is everything that I can do to not cry all the time. I am having nightmares that are getting worse and worse each night. I don't want to do anything, I have to force myself to leave the house and not just stay in bed hidden under the covers. I am lashing out at people who don't really deserve it and I don't know why, I get so irritated over the dumbest things, and this scares me so much. I feel like I am alone, even when I'm with other people, and sometimes, it feels as if I am invisible. Sometimes I just want to run away from everything and start over (again). I am so tired of the many reminders of how much I have fucked up. I can't deal with all the memories that are flooding my dreams.. they hurt so much. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of these thoughts, I'm afraid of what's to come, and I'm afraid that all of this will continue on the downward spiral that I feel like I'm in right now. I hate feeling like I'm letting things fall apart. I hate being completely out of control, and I don't know what to do.

Not doing as well as I thought, I guess..

2008-01-23T22:30:41Z

Well, as those of you who actually read this know...I lost my father earlier this month, and I was beginning to think that I was at least starting to deal with it a little better, but I discovered last night that I'm really not. I went to write in my journal and the last entry I made was from that night, and just glancing at it brought everything back to the forefront again, and I started crying again, and basically ended up crying myself to sleep. I still can't believe that he's gone, it hurts so much that I can't even describe it. I know that I'd be lying to myself and everyone else if I pretended that our relationship was perfect, because I know that it wasn't - but at one time, we were really close and no matter what happened, I still felt that bond, and it hurts so badly to know that he's gone. Everytime I think about it, I just can't grasp the concept in my head. I went to call a friend earlier today and saw his name in my phone, and it broke my heart, I wish that I could pick up the phone and call him, but I can't and that is killing me. Everyone has been great, trying to help keep me busy and keep my mind occupied, but I still can't stop thinking about him. I miss him so much. I've been trying so hard to be strong, but I just can't keep this up. Everything kinda came to a head last night, and I just broke down....I have been struggling all day long today to keep it together, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I don't know what to do anymore.

Feeling Hollow...

2008-01-10T23:01:55Z

One more step and I could fall away
If it happened would it matter?
I can't tell if I should go or stay
Same old pictures feels so hollow
How can anybody no what's best for me?
Another page I turn in shame
My decisions brought me to my knees
I needed someone to blame

Chorus:

I feel so hollow
I feel so hollow
Time to do what's best for me 
I believe I can change

Once upon a time in broken dreams
Reflections that I can't face
So hold your breath and make a wish for me
Take me to a better place
Time always seems to be passing by
It never waits for me
If I could do it one more time
I wouldn't change a thing

Chorus:

I feel so hollow
I feel so hollow
I feel so hollow
I feel so hollow
Time to do what's best for me 
I believe I can change

 - "Hollow" by Godsmack

I don't know how to do this....

2008-01-07T00:46:40Z

I don't know what to do....I got a call last night around 7:30 or so telling me that my Dad died.....I'm going to be M.I.A. for a few days at least, I'll have my phone with me, but I won't be online or anything really for a little bit. I'll try to check things on here, but I don't know if I'm going to be up to it. This is really hard for me, and I am still trying to cope. Thanks to all of you for your outpouring of love and support, it really means a lot to me (and to my sister).

Love to all

Happy New Year!

2008-01-05T07:30:47Z

Well, it is the beginning of a new year...Hopefully, this year won't suck as much as 2007. We can only hope! I hope that everyone had a great New Year's, and Xmas and Yule and whatever else you might celebrate. Mine was mostly good. Dumped Jacob on New Year's Eve, but that is basically a good thing - it still sux though...got used to getting laid on a regular basis lol. Anyway, I will keep this short for now...I'm tired!

Life in general...

2007-12-26T09:59:54Z

Well, Christmas time has come and gone....finally. Don't get me wrong, this evening (well, last night, now ) with my friends was wonderful, and I loved my gifts and being able to spend time with everyone, but damn - the stress is about to kill me. Between family drama, the various drama going on in my personal life, and various other things that have been on my mind, I am about to have a nervous breakdown. I truly don't know what to do or how to handle this shit lately. Sometimes I feel like my head is just going to explode and that I'm on a dangerous, downward spiral that is getting out of control. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what the hell I can do to try to calm down some? Please, feel free to comment or email me with anything that you think might help. I'm open to pretty much all ideas!

Well, I promise that this short entry won't be the last for another 5 weeks - have net access in my room again, so things will be much easier again.

Love and happiness to all!!

Amanda

LIfe is taking an interesting turn, for the better (I hope)

2007-11-16T09:08:23Z

Wow. It has been 2 weeks since I've posted last. I suck lol. Well, things have been going very interestingly these past couple of weeks. I'm still seeing Jacob, kinda....things are a litttle weird between us right now. Ok, so things are a lot weird, at least for me. I haven't really talked extensively to him about what is going thru my mind... I can't find the time nor the words to do it. Ok. So, here's the story. I guess it all started at the Halloween Party that Chris, James and I threw the weekend before Halloween. Jacob came over and spent the day (actually, I think he spent the night before, too, but I can't remember...) anyway, Jacob spent the day with the three of us, helping to prepare for the party and get costumes ready and all of that. Of course, we were all drinking a little before the party...but Jacob had been drinking pretty much all day - and at first it wasn't too bad, cuz it was just some beer and he was still ok. However, later that night (after EVERYONE was there), he started acting like an ass - he was hitting on pretty much everyone at the party, he was saying some very inappropriate things and making a lot of people uncomfortable (to say the very least). Not that this wasn't embarrassing enough, let's fast forward to last weekend (my birthday party weekend). Friday night, we had some people over, Susan, Patrick, Dan, Jason and Jacob; just a small get together to hang out and begin the celebration of my birthday. We were all having a great time, some drinking a little, others not - except Jacob. He had been drinking all day (again - do we see a pattern here?) and after he got to the apartment, he had started to drink Black Velvet (whiskey, I think). He was behaving himself pretty well for a little while, but the more of that stuff he drank, the more brazen and downright rude he got. It started out with little things, that, for the most part, I was ok with - playfulness under the blanket we were sharing, playful nibbling of my neck and ears, ect - that kind of thing... but then he started to piss off my friends again - making rude comments and noises, being loud and obnoxious, and acting like he didn't have any sense at all. I saw that he was making people uncomfortable, and decided to talk to hiim about it, so, when he walked out of the room to go pee, I followed him, and asked him to come into my bedroom when he was done. Apparently, he mistook this for, "Hey, Jacob, I want to have sex with you with a house full of people in the next room"... now I won't lie, as I know me and so do those of you who are reading this, I fell for it. I was slightly tipsy and really horny, so, even though I tried to resist, we ended up having a quickie instead of a much needed talk. Now, afterwards, he was a little better for a bit, but then went right back to being an ass when he started to drink again. The rest of us were TRYING to play a fun game of Cranium, but seeing as how he was in a drunken stupor, it wasn't very fun for anyone, and I finally just gave up and (after exusing myself) took him home. Now, by this point, I was furious, but apparently he didn't see this at all. The whole time that I was driving him back to his house, he was playing with my hand, kissing up and down my arm and ignoring the fact that I was ignoring him. When we got to his house, he asked me in so we could "talk". Well, the only talking I had in mind was yelling at him for embarrassing me and being an ass, but he didn't want to hear any of it. He wanted to dance and make out and be stupid. I was yelling at him and trying to get thru to him how incredibly pissed off I was. The whole time I was yelling at him, I was texting back and forth with James and Jason, and Jason was right - fighting with Jacob is like yelling at a brick wall.. it was pointless, completely pointless. So, eventually I decided to just stop fighting it and get in a llittle angry sex before I left. Well, that was a mistake. We went upstairs and everything was going ok, until he dropped the next bomb. He said, "I love you, I want to take care of you and I want you to have my baby." I'm like "what the fuck?!?" I tried to tell him that I couldn't have kids, but I don't think he understood, and then there was the L word - I'm SO not ready for that shit. It hadn't even been a month at that point, and I am not ready to get to that point yet. Plus, I was pissed off at him and he was doing that to try to get hiimself out of trouble with me; which didn't work at all - it just made me more pissed off - 100 times more pissed off. So, needless to say, I left shortly there after and went home. I went to Savannah with James the next day (more on that adventure later lol) and (oh yeah, prelude to this all - Jacob won us tickets to go see Fuel on Saturday night before all this other shit happened) got my tattoo and then (9 hrs later) by the time we got back into town, it was too late to go to the concert - but at that point, I wanted to go, but not with Jacob - I was too pissed off still. So, I had Chris call Jacob and tell him that James and I were still stuck in Ga and wouldn't make it back in time. So, we had people over - Mike and Sara, Jamie and Kurt and Dan and Jason - and had a nice, relaxing eveiing - sans Jacob. But about 3 am or so, I get a call. Its Jacob. He wants to come over to talk. He told me that he didn't go to the concert cuz I couldn't go and all that shit....then, of course, he wanted to have sex (ok -so I did, too), and he said those words again. I 'm so confused - did he mean it? Fuck. I don't know what to think, but I did stand my ground and take him home when I was done. So, I'm kinda proud of myself for that.

Long story short, I'm still kinda pissed off at him, I'm very confused and I just don't know what to do!!!! Any suggestions?

Long story short, I don't know what do do

This weekend

2007-10-30T07:43:41Z

Well, I must say that this weekend started out pretty well...got to hang out with the guys on Friday night - we went to Patrick's and watched the drag show and the costume contest , so that was nice...Saturday, I slept a good bit of the day, and just layed around the house being lazy for a while. Around 9 or so, James and I went to pick up Jacob so that we could all go to Patrick's and hang out. Jacob entered into the costume contest as a sex slave, but didn't win :( Kiki showed up (with Dan and Jason - a little late, but its all good - at least they came ), it was nice to see her again - it had been a while. After the bar, Jacob and I made out a little in the back seat on the way home - that was really nice - we'd been teasing each other all night -so I was all for a good make out session! Then, after we got home - the guys disappeared for a little while, giving Jacob and I a chance at a nice quickie in the living room that ended just in time, apparently, because shortly after we'd both gotten decent again, here comes James - and then Chris - apparently, they couldn't sleep. So, the four of us watched tv for a while, then they went to bed again and Jacob and I watched tv til about 6 ish, he had fallen asleep at some point, and he looked so comfortable that I didn't want to disturb him, so I let him sleep on the couch and I went to my room and crashed. Most of Sunday was spent watching tv and getting ready for the party - we all had a good time getting dressed up and decorating and all of that - (pix on myspace - Chloe's profile - email me for the link) it was really a blast. Around 8ish ( I think - was a little buzzed by then), Susan and Patrick showed up - and so the party began. Slowly people trickeled in and things were pretty good. There was an early incident with Pizza Hut - they claimed that they had no one who could deliver our pizzas (even though the damn place is only like 2 blocks from here - and drama ensued, but was not with anyone within the group. Anyway, things seemed to be going relatively well - people were getting a little drunk - but that was expected....a couple things got out of hand a couple times, but, that was also to be expected. What wasn't expected was when James pulled me iinto the kitchen to "talk to me". It turns out that Jacob had started to hit on pretty much everyone at the party, making a few people really uncomfortable and pissing off a lot more people since they know what is/was/maybe going on with Jacob and I. I was so hurt and embarrassed and pissed off (though I'm glad someone told me) that I disappeared from the party to go cry in the bathroom for a few minutes. I can't believe he did that. He's such a nice and considerate person when he isn't drinking. I hope that he will explain himself to me and apologize to me and my friends when I talk to him about it. I really don't want him to be that person. I want him to be a good person at heart - I just hope I'm not being gullable. I'm just glad I have friends that care enough about me to fill me in on what's goiong on when I'm blind to the obvious. I love you guys!!!! Well, that's enough for now - possibly more later - I'm tired!

I can't believe this actually happened!!

2007-10-16T06:26:45Z

This weekend was fantastic!!! Friday night we went to Patrick's to start the celebration of Dan's B-day. That was really nice we watched the drag show (the Miss Patrick's pagent) and hung out and drank and talked - it was really nice. Saturday; Jason, Dan and I went shopping for the 80's party at Pantheon - that was lots of fun - we went thrift store shopping and to the Halloween Express store - so that was cool. Saturday night was pretty fun - it got better once they finally started actually playing 80s music though lol.

Now, for the best part of the weekend! OMG - Sunday was in-fucking-credible! I slept until about 3:30 or so, which was nice in and of itself. Then, I watched the New England - Dallas game (which, by the way, was KICK ASS) and then the rest of the afternoon/early evening was pretty un-eventful - just kinda lounged around being lazy and hanging out. (Fast forwarding a little bit) Ferret and Jacob show up @ Dan's to follow us to Clayton & Alyeesha's apartment for the party. From the moment that he walked in the door, I couldn't keep my eyes off Jacob (of course, that is the case anytime I see him). This was the 2nd or 3rd time that I had seen him this weekend and damn he was looking GOOD. I had completely forgotten that Ferret said that he was going to be bringing Jacob with him, so, that was a great surprise! I did my best not to stare too obviously, at least not while we were in such close proximity..

(Fast forward a little more) Once we all got to Alyeesha and Clayton's, I was sitting on one side of the room pretending to watch whatever movie that Clayton had running in the background while I was actually watching Jacob. He was sitting on the floor by Ferret, and I don't know what it was, but I just couldn't take my eyes off of him. He wasn't doing anything in particular, he was just sitting there watching TV, but he just struck me as so damn beautiful. I was mesmerized by him, just watchin him sitting there, playing absent-mindedly with his dog tags; his gorgous eyes occasionally roaming around the room to follow one of the many different conversatons that were going on in the room...His well-tanned body just begging to be held & touched & kissed; I swear, at times, I thought I was really drooling! (lol) After the movie (Goodfellas, I think) was FINALLY over, we all kinda migrated to the kitchen/dining area to eat cake & grab some drinks & talk, and, of course, the smokers were drifting in and out of the apatment to smoke or whatever, and somewhere in the mix, I kinda worked my way into a conversation that Jacob & Clayton were having about movies. This (somehow - don't quite remember how) led into the subject of having sex in the bathroom of an airplane (all I remember about this part is that Jacob said something about wanting to try it and I, iin my semi-drunken state, said that it was really fun and he should try it sometime), and that's where it all started.... We started out talking, then there was some flirting going on - subtle at first, but quickly getting bolder - graduating to stolen touches, flirtatous ass smacking (both mine and his) and then finally we went out onto the landing (not the porch - but the area outside the front door) to talk and get a little privacy. We talked for a few minutes about lots of things - he told me that he has a 2 year old and that he is in the Army - he wanted to know if I was ok with that. Now, I won't lie, normally the whole kid thing is a deal-breaker for me, but I know a bit about the whole situation and I think I''m ok with it. Anyway, the next thing I know, he's standing in front of me, kissing me and putting his hand down the front of my pants. I don't know what it was - the idea that we could be caught at any time or the fact that I had been fantisizing about this moment not only all night but from the very first time I met him - but by the time his skilled, strong, forceful fingers found my clit, I was already dripping wet! He stopped kissing me and I felt his other hand moving my shirt out of the way and then his mouth found my very sensitive nipple - - damn he really knows how to use his mouth!!! I'm so surprised that no one inside heard me moaning and that no one wandered out the door while he was doing that.. There was tons of good timing on our part though, because literally, the second after Jacob took his hand out of my pants, Ferret walked out the door to smoke. Luckily, the only thing that Ferret saw was Jacob moviing in for another kiss. Goddess! I felt so good at that moment! He and Ferret started talking and Tabitha and Emily came outside, so I snuck in for a minute to glow and get myself another drink. I could not stop smiling!! Everyone was looking at me funny, because at that point, no one had figured out what was going on, but I did not care. I hadn't felt that good in a really long time!

When he came back inside, things weren't quite so suble anymore. Everytime he passed me, he'd touch my face or grab my hand or kiss me on the lips or the cheek, and anytime that we were near each other, we were touching in some fashion. I'd have my hand in his back pocket or a couple of fingers hooked into his pants or he'd have his arm around me or was touching some part of my body; or he was leaning on me or visa versa. I can't describe how good that made me feel - I was (and still am) absolutely beaming. I really like feeling wanted like that. It made me feel so good! Then, we started talking about him coming home with me - which I was all for. I wanted him so badly by that point that it hurt. So, I talked to James and Chris to see if they would mind crashing at Dan's so that Jacob and I would have some privacy. They were really good about it (even though, as I found out later, they came home around like 4:30 and probably heard all kinds of things they didn't want to hear), and James even let me use his car to get the two of us to the apartment. Jacob couldn't even wait the 10 minutes to get to the apartment, the miinute James and Chris were out of sight, he was un-doing my pants and fingering me and sucking on my nipple (sorry James - I promise we didn't get any sex juices on/in your car). I swear that I almost ran off the road a few times - he had me squirming all over the place! I came like 4 times before we even made it to the apartment!! Then, the second we got inside, he had us both naked (at least from the waist down and me bent over the couch riding me nice and hard - I came 3 more times before he finally came and we stumbled to the bedroom. We laid down together, cuddling and talking before we went at it again, this time, while he was still gentle to a point, he fucked me fast and hard until we both came and almost passed the hell out from pure exhaustion. We cuddled up together and slept for a ittle bit before I woke him up with a hand job which led to 2 more intense love-making sessions - not fucking - LOVE MAKING. OMG!! It was amazing! We did this a couple more times during the night - sleep, make love, sleep, repeat - before we finally wore ourselves out for the night. He woke me up this morning with a kiss and some incredible morning sex; it was a great way to start the morning!!

This morning was spent watching a little TV before I brought him home and then just me glowing and smiling the rest of the day. This was the best weekend in a long tiime!!!!

Update on the goings on in my life

2007-10-01T03:58:52Z

Well, this week sucked for the most part. I was out for the count for most of the week because of my back, and most likely a couple of other factors that I still have to see my doctor about. My next paycheck is gonna suck! Well, at least I got myy part of the rent covered, that's a big relief!! My back is still really bothering me, but it is at least tolerable most of the time now - either that or I've gotten accustomed to the pain :( Either way, I'm going back to work on Monday, hoping that I can make it the full day. I went out with Dan and Jason and Dee this weekend, which was really nice, it felt good to get out of the house, even though I paid for it (my back) most of the day today lol.

Well, I finally did it...

2007-09-11T05:27:40Z

So, I told Cyndi how I feel tonight. Since I haven't actually been able to get in touch with her lately, I wrote her a long letter on myspace. I just wanted to see what she would say, and it was taking me way too long to actually get a chance to sit down and talk to her. Wish me luck!!!!!!!

Finally

2007-08-31T05:41:16Z

Well, I know it has been a while since I have posted...lots of things have been going on lately. Got moved into my new apartment this past weekend, and that has been nothing but a hassle from day one, but it seems that things are finally starting to get taken care of. Hope everyone is doing well, drop me a line when you all get a chance!!

love,

me

Bored out of my freakin mind

2007-08-12T04:34:05Z

I hate not being able to do anything! I have basically been stuck in bed for about a week now, as my back went out again on Monday. The only good thing that has come out of this is that I have had a little bit of a chance (between sleeping b/c of the pain meds) to read some of the new Harry Potter book - OMG best book so far! Not to sound too incredibly cheesy, but I've laughed, I've cried and there have been a few nail-biting moments. I think I have a couple things figured out, but I don't want to know if I'm right or not just yet.

Other than being stuck in bed, I've had another bout (sp?) of really, really weird dreams, one of which I believe was the product of a Hag. I think I've taken care of that, but I guess I'll have to wait and see.

I have also been dreaming about certain people again. I've dreamt that they needed me in some way to watch over them, but for some reason, I can't get to one of the two. I think I know why I can't get to her though, a little more investigation will let me know on that one. As for the other person, my friend Jay (in Seattle), I think his is purely a need of something familiar and comforting, as he recently got married and is quite nervous about the new direction in which his life is going.

Anyway, I feel the need to take a bit of a nap - just took my pain meds and am quite sleepy right now. If anyone has any ideas, thoughts or suggestions to help me with either of the dream scenerios I described, please feel free to elaborate :)

Much love to all!

I fell off the earth, again lol

2007-08-10T02:18:23Z

I know that for about the last week that it seems that I've fallen off the planet, but I promise that I haven't. I ended up in an ambulance on Monday being taken from work because of my back (again). I have been in bed most of the week, so at least I've gotten caught up on sleep lol. I will be attempting to go back to work tomorrow, so I"m keeping my fingers crossed. Anyway, just wanted to let everyoine know what was goin on.. Luvs to all!

Amanda

Pissed off

2007-08-05T01:03:38Z

Ok, since I know that there are only a couple of people who know about my LJ, I'll vent here. Ok, so, my cousin Matt just recently came out to my sister and myself and told us about the boyfriend he'd had for about four months. I have met this boy (because he surely isn't a man) on a couple of occasions, didn't really like him, but it wasn't my business to say anything. However, it recently became my business. Come to find out that this boy is controlling, patronizing, prone to violent outbursts (he hasn't actually hit Matt yet, but it was getting to that point) and frequent - for lack of a better term - temper tantrums. He was trying to bully Matt into not going to college, to lying to his parents and saying that he was in college and then actually be living with him, and, as I found out today, he wouldn't let Matt go anywhere or hang out with any of his friends without this boy being right there with him. Now, this pisses me the fuck off, and I am going to track this little prick down and have a little discussion with him as to how he should and should not treat ANY member of my family. Now, with the recent activities (way too long of a story), Matt has finally flat out ended this relationship, and I am very proud of him for not falling for the "I'll never do it again, I'm soo sorry" line of bullshit that this boy was throwing at him. He told me that he was tired of being controlled by this person and having to walk on eggshells all the time in fear of one of his moods or of somehow pissing him off. I have never been more proud of Matt, and I'm so very glad that he has a good head on his shoulders. He even told me that he realizes that he should have left a long time ago, but that he wanted to try to work thru things because he thought he was in love. I'm so glad that he has listened to my sister and I and learned from our mistakes and the mistakes of some of his friends. Ok, done venting now. Going to see Transformers!! Yay!!!

The occasional advantage of having a fever...

2007-07-28T05:18:17Z

Sometimes I love the side effects of having a fever! I fell asleep a little while ago before my 102 degree fever decided to finally start coming down a little, and I had a wonderful dream!

The dream included me and Cyndi and the hot guy that we were staring at while we were downtown last weekend. In the dream, we saw the guy again at T Bonz and decided to approach him. The girls that were with him earlier had apparently wondered off without him, so we asked him to join us, and he did. He ended up eating dinner with me, Cyndi, Chris and James, and after dinner, I told Chris and James what was going on and made sure they were ok with Cyndi and I departing for the evening, they seemed cool with it, so she and I wondered off with the guy (I think in the dream his name is Chad). Anyway, the three of us ended up going back towards the pier at waterfront (the one where we first saw him). We went all the way out to the very last bench on the pier so that there was lots of privacy. We talked for a little while, then Cyndi decided to step things up a notch and leaned over to kiss me, and then we both pulled Chad towards us to join in on the kiss. We were both running our hands on him and each other and he had a hand on each of us, playing with nipples and massaging breasts. Cyndi and I both reached for the zipper on Chad's jeans at the same time, looked at each other, smiled and then slowly removed the offending jeans so that we could get a better look at what he had to offer. Our eyes lit up immediately, he was VERY well endowed, and more than ready for anything that we could have planned ;) Giving her the first lick, I gently held Chad's ever so swollen cock still for Cyndi. As she kissed and licked around his swollen head, I slowly began to move my hand up and down his shaft while my other hand playfully tickled his balls. Then things really started to heat up....but to find out what else happened, you'll have to come back tomorrow for the rest of the story, I need to sleep!

I know, I know

2007-07-28T02:39:20Z

I have been pretty slack at writing on LJ... I've been working so much lately, and then the last two days, I've been sick, so I haven't felt like doing much of anything. I promise that when I feel better, I'll write a real entry!